Baka Neko
by Joel 7th
Summary: What's Toshima's strongest charisma's greatest enemy ? If your answer is N then you can guess again. A crack fic which involves Shiki chasing a cat and getting scratched by it. ShikiXAkira


**_A Togainu no Chi Fanfiction_**

**Rating :** T ( for violence, language and innuendos )

**Pairing :** ShikiXAkira

**Genre :** Fluff, Romance, Humor, Crack

**Characters :** Akira, Shiki

**Preview :** What's Toshima's strongest charisma's greatest enemy ? If your answer is N then you can guess again. A crack fic which involves Shiki chasing a cat and getting scratched by it.

Shiki hates cats.

By cats, he means every kinds of cats.

From the normal cats whose existence holds no meaning except for breeding more of their kind and annoying his hearing sense with that hateful "meow" of them. People find that sound cute but everytime Shiki hears it, he wants nothing but to find its source and put a god damn end to it.

To that woman* who dresses shameless skin tight outfit he once saw on TV. That movie which Rin forced him to watch was a total crap. Such a terrible taste his stupid little brother has.

And there is that fat blue cat children and even adults are so fond of. Seriously, what is good about a cat with no ears running around screaming for dorayaki*. Tch, it is unbelievable that he once read that kind of manga and even found it fascinating. Silly childhood indeed.

Not to mention those cat folks* he and Akira happened to encounter a pair some weeks ago. As expected, Akira immediately made friend with one of them, a cat with beige fur*. He even went so far as exchanging his solids for some weird fruits* those cats were bringing along and promising to visit their home someday. Like hell Shiki would allow Akira to come to a lair of cats and bring back that nauseous smell of them. Moreover, on that encounter, it took nearly all his willpower to not slash off the head of a certain silver-haired cat*. That disdainful look the cat gave him was simply intolerable. Judging by that look, Shiki could the hatred was mutual. It was only fair.

And he hates being called "Shikitty" by one of Arbitro's rabid guard dogs. If it wasn't because of his deal with Arbitro, Shiki swore on his precious katana that those dogs were no longer rabid. No dead dogs were rabid.

…

Perhaps, long, long ago, Shiki did not hate cats as much as he does today. He might not be a cat-lover but cats did not bother him much. As long as they did not get in his way, their presence was acceptable. However, thanks to a certain blonde stupid half-brother, cats have become Il-re's nemesis.

It was a humid summer when that incident occurred. Like any other ignorant teenagers, back then, the king himself was careless enough to let his guard down to his wicked, evil half-brother. Little did Shiki know while he was snoozing out of the heat of a summer after noon, Rin had sprayed some sort of cat pheromones on his hair, face and shirt. God knew where he had had his hands on that kind of stuff. Shiki was perfectly unaware of that stupid yet cruel prank until Rin presented him with a cat. And a cat in heat, no less.

Before this incident, Shiki had paid little attention to the lectures in his biology class. But he remembered something about animal sexual behavior his teacher had remarked in his lesson. That was how ferocious could a cat be in mating season. Unfortunately, Shiki had experienced it firsthand. The cat, once being released from Rin's grip, assaulted Shiki with all her strength. She bit, she clawed and she did a few more embarrassing things before Rin, out of pity, lured the female cat away from Shiki by introducing her to her true partner, a male of her kind. As a result of this stupid prank, Shiki's face, arms and chest were littered with bleeding scratches and bites. How miserable Shiki was for the next few days. To add insult to an injury, the poor teen developed a fierce cat allergy, something he had never experienced before.

Up until now, his hatred for cats has not cooled down one bit. So has his hatred for Rin.

…

When he opened the door of his rundown apartment, the sight greeting him was not of his favor. On the bed, beside his Akira was his greatest enemy laying. No, it was not N. In N's presence, Shiki would not be rendered speechless. It was something worse than N, something that could make the king unable to form a word. It was…a cat.

On top of that, Akira was all giggling like a foolish teenage girl while playing with that damn cat. He did not even notice Shiki's approaching.

"What the hell is that thing, Akira ?"

Being entirely ignorant of the malice in Shiki's tone, Akira looked up and smile, the cat cuddling comfortably in his embrace.

"I ask again, what the hell is that thing ?"

Akira was perplexed by Shiki's strange behavior. Normally, Shiki would come straight to the bed and give Akira a hot, sensual kiss. But today, Shiki just stood awkwardly at the entrance as if to keep a relative distance with him.

"Just a cat that happened to pass by the window. What's the matter Shiki ? You're acting rather strange."

"Throw that thing out !" Shiki coldly commanded.

Akira was taken aback by Shiki's unusually harsh tone. Well, to be fair, Shiki had never been gentle to Akira or anyone. However, Akira could detect the irritation in that tone easily.

"Why ? I like this cat. See, he looks a lot like you."

As though to demonstrate, Akira walked to Shiki, his hands holding out the cat. The distance between Shiki and that little damn cat war terrifyingly shortened. He would take several steps back if it was not Akira who was approaching him. To do so meant to admit his fear to Akira. Wait a minute, it was not "fear", Il-re feared nothing; it was only his burning hatred for cats.

For whatever reason, to step back was equal to losing his face in front of Akira.

What an insolent cat it was ! As if he could sense Shiki's animosity toward him, the cat extended his claws to Shiki.

He was a jet black cat. His fur was ragged, a proof of him being a stray cat. And dirty, too. He was no difference from any stray cats that could be found on the streets of Toshima; except for his round, crimson eyes that seemed to emit light themselves. Much to his resentment, those eyes, coupled with his black fur, the cat indeed resembled Shiki. However, admitting that knowledge did little to calm his fury, only fueled it.

"I hate cats." Shiki replied, turning his face away to avoid the cat's sight.

"I know you do. But can you make an exception ? I really like him. See how much he looks like you. I even name him Shikitty."

Oh crap, where did he hear that name ?

By the way, was it his imagination or Akira was actually pleading with him ? For the time he had known ( and gotten together with ) the youth, Shiki had never heard Akira plead for anything. Not for his won life. Not for Shiki's mercy. Yet now, for a stupid cat, he was pleading with Shiki ? Shiki knew not whether to feel irritated or amused at the youth's sudden change in behavior. Putting that aside, the sight of Akira giggling while cuddling with that cat was… _should he hay it since it was too out of character_…cute.

Shiki was almost convinced by that… until the cat shamelessly waved his tail at Shiki's face. His ragged, furry tail.

Cursed it. His allergy to cat fur. He had thought it was gone since he had not come near a real cat for years. But it was still there, embarrassing him in front of the person he wanted to feel embarrassed least. A surge of uncontrollable sneeze hit him right the face and he kept sneezing in a rather inelegant manner.

Akira was in perplexity when he witnessed the unexpected event occurring in front of his very eyes. The arrogant Il-re was sneezing furiously, his straight back bending over, his immaculate white face flushed red. Who would think Shiki could be this… adorable ?

"Are you alright, Shiki ?" Akira tried hard to suppress his laughter which threatened to burst out. "I did not know you're allergic to cats."

"Throw…it…out…" Shiki grumbled between sneezes.

"I'll keep him away from you. Don't make me throw him away, please." The last word "please" came out much softer than the rest; even Akira himself knew he was acting out of character. But this cat was just too cute that he did not mind pleading with Shiki.

"If you don't, I will."

Akira silently gasped at the sight of Shiki unsheathing his katana. It was no doubt he was serious in killing the cat.

The cat which possessed the ability to sense dangers, leapt from Akira's hand to the nearby table in a flash. Shiki, one hand covered his nose and mouth, the other swung his katana.

"Stop, Shiki !"

Akira's shriek did not seem to reach his ears as Shiki kept swinging his katana wildly, fully determined to take the poor creature's life. Unfortunately for him ( and luckily for the cat ), a sudden urge to sneeze made him miss his target and the cat got away in a strand of hair. Instead, furniture ( well, there was not much furniture in this room anyway ) fell victimized to the merciless hand of the king.

The sight of a furious man chasing a cat around was something not every one wanted to see.

"That's enough, Shiki !"

Before Shiki destroyed the last piece of furniture, the bed, and rendered the two of them bedless for the night, Akira did a bold act of hugging Shiki's waist with all his strength. In other situations, this could be considered a rare romantic act between them.

"Let go, Akira !" Shiki grumbled while trying to free himself from Akira's bearhug.

Taking advantage of Shiki's off-guard moment, the cat leapt from the window and disappeared in the vast darkness of the night.

"Damn it, you let it get away !" Shiki growled, terribly frustrated in letting his prey escape.

"I don't want him to get killed by your hand." Akira retorted with equal harshness in his tone.

"I did tell you to throw it out, didn't I ? It would turn out like this if you had listened to me."

"I didn't know Il-re is so afraid of a cat."

As soon as the sarcasm leaked from Akira's mouth, Shiki's eyes flashed with anger. Before he could continue, Akira was pushed with such force that he lied flat on the bed. The bad creaked as another weight was added.

When he thought Shiki had stopped treating with violence, the man allowed his ferocious side to be on display. His strong hand seized Akira's throat.

"I'm not afraid. I hate them."

"Refusing to admit your weakness only proves your childishness."

Despite the pain which was gradually increasing in his throat, Akira replied sharply. When Shiki was abusive to him, instead of submittal, Akira's fighting spirit would kick in. Plus, his lips also curled into a smirk, a mocking aimed directly at Shiki's pride.

"Tch…"

Speechless, the king's hand loosened its grip on Akira's throat; still, it did not let go. As though Shiki had been turned into a statue, he fell utterly silent. In front of this abrupt change in behavior, Akira lost his interest in mocking Shiki's fear of cats. He actually felt a bit pity toward his partner's phobia. Knowing it would do nothing but enrage Shiki more if he expressed his sympathy. On the other hand, his anger had not subsided.

They in that position in what felt like an eternity until Akira, who could not stand it anymore, opened his mouth first :

"Let go of me already !"

As Akira's voice, Shiki snapped out of his trance of thought. An unreadable emotion hidden in his scarlet orbs.

Slap.

His hand flied across Akira's cheek. It was not really painful; still, it was entirely unexpected. As Shiki climbed off the bed and walked out, his katana in hand, Akira was left there, confused, exasperated. Sometimes, this man's acts were beyond comprehensible.

No word was exchanged; only the sound of Shiki's boots on the cement ground echoed.

Needless to say, tonight would not be a peaceful night for the inhabitants of Toshima.

…

There was one way for the king to vent out his anger. In this town, there were plenty of small fries. As their screams echoed and their blood went flying in the air, the heat in his head began to cool down.

When he set his feet in the room, it was dark and rather cold. The window was deliberately left open for the merciless winds to assault the room. On the bed by the window, Akira was laying soundlessly, his back facing the entrance. Obviously the youth was sulking.

"Hey"

No answer.

"You are not pretending to sleep, are you ?"

Silence.

"Tch"

Knowing he would not get any reply from Akira if he was just asking, Shiki took off his coats, boots and gloves to climb on the bed. His hand reached out to caress Akira's cheek, the spot he had hit Akira earlier, feeling a bit of remorse. Shiki's arrogance never allowed him to apologize; still, he intended to give Akira a night of pleasure to make up for their fight.

"Don't touch me !"

Akira's tone was cold; his hand slapped Shiki's away from his face.

"What the…"

The taste of rejection was unpleasantly bitter. The proud king felt anger coiling in his heart. Of all people, this little pet was the one that dared to speak to him in such manner, to disobey him, to reject him. Was it not because of these traits that he had been captivated in their very first meeting ?

Sometimes, his stupid pride and stubbornness was beyond tolerable.

His arms grabbed the youth's shoulders, forcing Akira to face him.

"Dare to say that again ?"

"I told you not to touch me." Trapped between Shiki's strong arms; nevertheless, Akira refused not to provoke Shiki.

"No one tells me to do anything." Shiki growled; the malice was vivid in his eyes. "I can just kill you right now."

"Then go ahead. Do whatever you want. Hit me. Rape me. Kill me."

It was true that Shiki could kill this boy in one swift motion. However, if there was one person Shiki could not kill, would never kill then it would only be this boy laying beneath him. When challenging him with his sharp tongue, Akira probably knew of this fact. He could also use his strength to take Akira right now but it would be utterly meaningless. After all, he had spent time and effort to tame Akira, to make Akira willingly, wholeheartedly comply to his every wishes.

Losing the battle, Shiki eventually let go of Akira and lied down, his back facing Akira. In return, the youth also turned to the wall.

This was the first night after such a long time that Shiki found it hard to fall asleep despite having Akira beside him.

…

He departed early in the morning, when Akira was drifting in his dream. Before leaving, he noticed the pack of solids he had left for Akira the previous morning was only half eaten. Akira had skipped his dinner. Without a word, Shiki cleaned it up and placed new packs of solids on the bed together of a bottle of water. Omurice flavor, Akira's favorite.

…

When he returned in the evening, the food was not yet touched, only the bottle was half full. Akira was still facing the wall, refusing any communication with Shiki.

"Do as you please. Go ahead and starve yourself to death."

He spoke with toughness but his heart was not that tough. Another day passed and Akira neither talked nor ate anything. Though he did not want to admit it, he was starting to feel worried. If this silence was a challenge then he was losing terribly.

…

The second day passed and Shiki decided to put an end to this stupid game, whether the lost was at his or not.

…

"Did you see a black cat with red eyes ?"

Several Igra participants were scared to death when Shiki approached them, katana unsheathed, eyes burning with frigid flame. To them, Shiki equaled death since no one ever came back in one piece after an encounter with Shiki.

Being asked such ridiculous question, few of them could gather their guts and answer. The rest was all trembling and pleading for their lives. Thus, Shiki was left with only himself on the pursuit of the cat.

Little did they know that Shiki's preys were all Line-users.

…

The dawn came with weariness and exhaustion. Akira was never a morning person and he did not enjoy getting up early. But with his stomach harshly complaining, it was hard to keep sleeping. Glancing at those packs of solids Shiki had left for him, Akira heaved a sigh. Did he deliberately leave them here as a mean to test how long Akira's stubbornness could last or did he do it because he genuinely cared for Akira ? Akira preferred the latter but knowing Shiki's personality, it could very likely be the former. There was always a cold, cruel part in Shiki that Akira could not deny even when he had accepted Shiki.

To be honest, Shiki's attempt to kill his cat was not the sole reason of Akira's sulk. With such terrible allergy, no wonder why Shiki held such fierce aversion to cats. It was how insensitive Shiki was toward Akira's feelings. Most of the time, Shiki was out on the streets, doing whatever he wanted to do. He only came back after sunset. Shiki never knew how bored Akira was while waiting for him in this secluded room. All he wanted was a little entertainment.

Perhaps Akira himself was overdoing it. Shiki never apologized, he knew it, but he had shown signs of willing to make up for his act. And Akira's pride did not allow him to accept it. Instead of reconciling with Shiki, he had foolishly chosen to oppose Shiki with his self-starving. Now was the result : he was starving for both food and sex. Truly, he missed Shiki's sensual kisses and touches.

This stupidity ought to stop. When Shiki came back, Akira would talk to him; he might as well do something for Shiki as his apology.

Last night, Shiki had not come back. Where had he been ?

…

Footsteps echoed through the apartment, all too familiar. Subconsciously, Akira's heart thumped with every sound; his anxiety gradually built up with the shortening distance. Today, Shiki's footsteps were rather strange. They seemed to be heavier than usual and if Akira listened carefully, he could detect faint noises accompanying each step. Noises of… sneezing ?

Akira did not have to wait long for the answer. Soon enough, Shiki stepped through the door with something black in his hand. That "thing" was jerking violently, trying to free itself from Shiki's grip.

"Your stupid cat. Take it !"

The cat was thrown to Akira, who was all confused and speechless. It was the same black cat Akira was so fond of'. Shiki had probably spent the entire night looking for this cat. Who knew the ruthless Il-re could be this caring ? Joy filled his heart, more because of Shiki's act than having the cat back. When he turned to Shiki to express his gratitude, he knew not whether to feel amused or pity toward the sight presented to him. There were dark circles around his crimson eyes which had grown dull due to sleepiness. His usually immaculate white face was littered with scratches. Some shallow, some deep, some bleeding, some not. Obviously, the cat had put up a good fight with Toshima's strongest charisma. His nose was slightly swollen and red, result of sneezing all the way to home.

"Keep that thing away from me or I'll kill it." Shiki spoke with nasal voice, his hand covering his nose. Without every chairs destroyed in the last incident, he had no choice but to sit on the bed, much to his dismay, uncomfortably close to the cat.

"Are you alright ?" Akira asked meekly, his hand touching Shiki's wounds.

Jerking off, Shiki replied with hoarse voice. "I'm fine."

Chuckling at his childishness, Akira put away the cat and went to bathroom to fetch some water and a towel.

"No need to do that."

Akira ignored him and began his job of cleaning the wounds. Shiki tried hard to suppress his groan when the water touched his scratches.

Even the ferocious tiger could have his soft side. Akira found this newly discovered fact quite adorable. Putting down the towel, Akira could not resist the urge to cup Shiki's face and licked his wounds.

"What are you doing ?"

He could feel Shiki's startle; nevertheless, he did not want to stop. A coy smile adorned his lips.

"Someone told me it lessened the pain. That's why cats often lick their injuries."

"Are you a cat ?"

"May be I am. And your cat, no less."

"Stupid cat."

After the remark had left his mouth, Shiki pulled Akira into a vehement kiss.

"So are you".

End

**Note :** This product is brought to you by love, courage and a bit of Line. LOL ( a running gag in Togainu no Chi funny disc )

My third fic dedicated to ShikiXAkira :D. And the first humor fic, a change of mood after to angst fics -_-.

The fic was written mostly in Shiki's perspective so any remarks mentioned at the beginning were from Shiki's view. If you find them offensive, don't blame me :D

The title "Baka Neko" means "Stupid Cat"

*"that woman" refers to Cat Woman, played by Halle Berry.

*"fat blue cat" refers to Doraemon. His favorite food is dorayaki, a kind of cake filled with red beans.

*"cat folks" refers to the Ribicas- a race mixed of human and cat. They look almost human, except for the cat-like ears and tail. They are present in Lamento, another work of Nitro+ChiRAL And a yaoi game no less :D

* "a cat with beige fur" refers to Konoe, Lamento's main "uke". The game follows his journey to find a cure for his curse. Before he was cursed, his ears and tail was beige. After that, they turned black.

*"silver-haired cat" refers to Rai, Lamento's main seme. He's a mercenary cat with white hair, ears and tail. He often expresses cold, uncaring attitude, only open up after traveling with Konoe. In the cross-over drama cd "Welcome to ChiRAL café" which include the main cast of Nitro+ ChiRAL's 3 yaoi games ( Togainu no Chi, Lamento and Sweet Pool ), Rai and Shiki strongly dislike each other. On the other hand, Akira and Konoe gets along very well.

*weird fruits" refers to kuim, a kind of fruit in Lamento. Kuim is Konoe's favorite.

**Omake : **

While playing with the cat, Akira discovered something he had not noticed before. It was a collar with a piece of paper attached to it. Someone had intentionally put the paper in the collar for Akira to find.

"Shiki, look what I find on the cat."

Shiki did not reply. He was busy polishing his precious katana.

"There's something written here. Let's see… the handwriting is quite bad. _**To face your greatest enemy is to overcome your greatest fear. Signed : N**_. Who's this N person, Shiki ? You know him ?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Akira immediately regretted saying them. Whoever this N person was, when hearing his name, Shiki's calm attitude abruptly turned to that of rage and malice. Without saying anything, he grabbed his katana and stomped out of the room.

Akira sighed. Tolerating Shiki's mood swing was even harder than tolerating a long and tumultuous summer.

**Note :** N and his philosophy. LOL


End file.
